Narcissists False Self | Codependents Protective Self

‘I’m not good enough’

‘I’ll never measure up’

‘I hate who I am’

‘Others hate who I am’

Both codependents and narcissists have their authentic selves rejected, the wound is the same and a false core is created in both.

The pain of the rejection of their authentic self is too much to bear so the narcissist creates a false self that is seemingly 'perfect', above reproach, 'special, unique and therefore should be reverenced. Their entire lives, 24/7 are lived through the lens of this false image. To keep the image alive they channel their inner self-hatred onto their family via projection. 

The perfection and above all reproach image must be fed via narcissistic supply 24/7. The False Self is everything the narcissist would like to be but, alas, cannot: omnipotent, omniscient, invulnerable, impregnable, brilliant, perfect, in short: godlike.

In order to stay alive the narcissists needs ongoing narcissistic supply by way of admiration, awe, obedience; or negative supply - by way of making others feel crushed and devastated by the narcissists actions. The reason they hurt those that crave their love the most is due to the twisted reasoning that if they can hurt others and make them feel horrible, in fact worse about themselves, then the narcissists feels elevated to a false sense of value.

The moments that the false self is not being fed - the pain from the wound sends the narcissist into another feeding frenzy of seeking narcissistic supply - positive supply from those that admire and negative supply from those that are codependent on them.

We all understand that dynamic.

But - how does that core wound affect the codependent????