Finding Safety After Trauma - A Tug of War Between Mind & Body| Cptsd Healing

What Is Safety? (And Why Your Answer Might Depend on Who You’re Asking)

What is safety?

It sounds like a simple question. But depending on who you ask — your mind or your body — you might get very different answers.

Ask the mind, and it might say:

“Safety is peace. It’s calm, freedom from chaos. It’s feeling respected, loved, understood.”

It might paint a picture of a cozy home with warm light and soft blankets, a partner who listens, or friends who genuinely care. It sounds beautiful — and true.

But ask the body, and you might get an answer that makes absolutely no sense to your mind.

Because to the body, familiarity feels safe — even when it’s toxic.

If you grew up walking on eggshells, your body might associate unpredictability, emotional highs and lows, or being invisible with “normal.” It might cling to people who trigger your nervous system, not because it enjoys pain, but because your body is wired to return to what it knows.

So even when your mind says, “This person is healthy and kind — this is what I’ve been waiting for,” your body might be screaming, “Danger! Too calm! Too unfamiliar!” And just like that, you feel torn — like you’re fighting a war inside your own skin.

Welcome to the inner tug-of-war between your mind and your nervous system.

Why You Feel Like You’re at War With Yourself

When your body associates safety with chaos, and your mind is craving peace, it creates an exhausting cycle.

You might:

• Self-sabotage good relationships.
• Feel bored or restless around people who are emotionally available.
• Go back to old patterns even after promising yourself you wouldn’t.
• Judge yourself for being “weak,” “broken,” or “too damaged to change.”

But here’s the truth: You’re not broken. You’re patterned.

Your body isn’t betraying you — it’s protecting you the only way it knows how.

The Secret to Healing: Stop Picking Sides

For years I would get angry at myself for not 'being' how I wanted to be or feeling how I expected and wished to be feeling.

But the more I shamed myself for not being healed - the more my body and unhealed trauma viewed ME as a threat. My attempts to heal were actually hindering my growth.

I don't want to see you make the same mistake. What I eventually learned was that healing isn’t about forcing your body to catch up with your mind.

It’s not about suppressing your instincts and powering through discomfort until your body finally “gets it.”

That’s another form of self-abandonment — and your body will fight back harder.

The real path to safety is integration. It’s helping your body and mind stop fighting, and start working together.

You don’t have to choose between logic and instinct. You were designed to hold both.

So How Do You Do That?

That's EXACTLY the work I do with survivors from all over the world in the School of Transformation. I learned early on that watching videos, reading articles - while suuuper helpful - could only get me so far on my recovery journey because the second I tried to put them into practice - my body would get so activated that I would give up, decide I was broken beyond compare and feel at square one all over again.

So, while I am going to include some practical tips here - if you struggle to apply them and be able to notice change as a result of them- it's not that you're doing anything wrong, it's not that you're too broken to heal - you simply may need some help doing so. If that's the case - be sure to check our my live weekly zoom meetings in the School of Transformation.

But - don't worry - even if you can't join me live weekly,  I am still going to leave some practical tips here for you:

1. 

Slow Everything Down

Safety doesn’t rush. It doesn’t push. We can't get impatient with our body because it will lock up and refuse to budge!!!!

So, something you can begin doing is practicing engaging in every day things.... slower  — brushing your teeth, walking to your car, folding laundry. It’s not about productivity. It’s about teaching your body that it doesn’t have to be in “go” mode all the time.

Our bodies are like abused animals that are so scared due to what they lived. Picture a skittish animal learning to trust again. If you move too fast, it bolts. But if you breathe slowly and stay present, it gets curious. That animal is your nervous system.

2. 

Notice Without Fixing

The next time you feel anxious, instead of trying to shut it down as if there's something wrong with you for feeling anxious, try this:

• Put your hand on your heart or your belly.
• Say softly, “You’re allowed to feel this way. I’m here with you.”
  That’s co-regulation — with yourself.

3. 

Create Micro-Moments of Safety

Activation in the body often feels so loud that you cannot notice anything else. And the mind runs with it by ruminating and pulling up every past experience to simply prove to you WHY you are anxious right now. But you can begin noticing moments of safety by asking yourself: What feels comforting to my body right now?

Maybe it’s a warm cup of tea, soft lighting, a playlist that makes you feel grounded, wrapping yourself in a heavy blanket, or placing both feet on the floor and breathing into your belly.

Don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed to do these things. Practice them daily, even when you’re “fine.”

By taking time to practice moments of safety it's like adding a brick to your inner house of safety. Over time, you’re building a new home inside yourself.

You Deserve to Feel Safe — For Real

Not just in your head, but deep in your bones.

Not just in the absence of conflict, but in the presence of connection.

Not just in theory, but in how you wake up, move through your day, and rest at night.

Safety isn’t a destination — it’s a relationship.

One between your mind and body.

One you’re allowed to nurture with patience, love, and presence.

You don’t have to fight yourself anymore.

You get to come home to yourself — one gentle breath at a time.

And if you're struggling to apply these tips on your own - be sure to join my upcoming LIVE FREE WEBINAR OR come join the School of Transformation - which is like Nervous System Rehab where you can connect, grow and heal with others that are healing from past unhealed trauma.

We all have to do the inner work to heal but.... we do NOT have to do it alone.