Learn Everything You Need To Know
Narcissistic Abuse takes place when you are in a relationship with a toxic person who is intentionally determined to eliminate your sense of self by inflicting manipulative tactics designed to make you feel as if you are crazy or doubt yourself and/or your sense of reality. The malignant narcissist can be a parent, a significant other, a friend or even a co-worker; regardless of who they are, their goals are all the same – eliminate the other person's sense of self and reality.
Narcissistic abuse is difficult to recognize because of the fact that narcissists, mainly covert narcissists, construct a false self that was used to draw their victims into committed relationships, and only the victims are then shown the true self, which is full of emotional, psychological, verbal and financial abuse – abuse that no one outside of the narcissists living partners are even aware of.
With parental narcissistic abuse, the outside world views the parent as an amazing parent with a difficult child; by making their child seem like the problem, as opposed to their emotional abuse, the child is confused and grows up thinking that all of the problems in the family are somehow their fault. Because the outside world is fooled by the narcissist’s false self, family members and even counselors deepen the belief that it is the victim’s fault and the abuse stays hidden and covert and intentionally destructive to the child.
Confusion is a hallmark emotion in victims of narcissistic abuse. Malignant narcissists begin the soul destruction of their partners, with false perceptions, criticisms and negative realities, as if they have the victim’s best interests at heart. They are pointing out your flaws and defects because ‘they care and want to help you’, when in truth they are sadistically eroding your self-esteem and self-worth.
The goal of the abuse is to allow the narcissist to extract whatever he or she perceives is of value from the victim including, attention, admiration, power, control, love, sex, money, a place to stay or any other resources. At other times the goal is to stamp out any quality or ability their victim has that is viewed as a threat by the malignant narcissist.
If you are happy, they do or say something to stamp out that happiness, because after all – how dare you have the ability to possess something they are incapable of. If you are successful – they will criticize you and make you feel as if nothing you do is special or worthy of anything – because how dare you be successful and have others admire you when they are the only ones that deserve admiration.
For more information on how narcissists operate please watch the video playlist entitled Narcissistic Traits on my YouTube channel below
Narcissistic abuse often flies under the radar of what we expect abuse to be. It is subtle, invisible, at times quietly inflicted and confusing. Victims become like a frog in lukewarm water that are unaware that the pot is cooking; just as an unaware frog will boil to death before jumping out of the boiling water – the true self of a victim of narcissistic abuse slowly dies until one day they wake up and don’t even know who they are anymore, what their passions are, how they became so emotionally undone and broken.
What many fail to realize is that emotional and psychological distress is only one side of the coin that victims of long-term narcissistic abuse experience. Victims of narcissistic abuse often undergo the destruction of their physically healthy self as well. Many develop unexplained pains in their bodies and are diagnosed with fibromyalgia, others suffer migraines, develop autoimmune diseases, heart problems and neuroscientists have discovered that long term narcissistic abuse can actually lead to brain damage.
When suffering consistent emotional abuse, victims experience a shrinking of the hippocampus and a swelling of the amygdala. The hippocampus is vital in learning and developing memories while the amygdala is where negative emotions like shame, guilt, fear, and envy come to life. This results in a victim being stuck in fight or flight, having chemicals like cortisol flooding their bodies and wreaking havoc on their nervous system. Narcissistic abuse victims lose logical thinking ability, suffer with memory problems and are stuck in emotional states such as anxiety, fear and panic. Due to the brain’s amygdala sabotage, victims often appear to the untrained eye as the cause of the problems in their relationships which lead to further abuse and control by the abuser.
While prolonged narcissistic abuse creates severe emotional and physical problems in victims, the good news is that you CAN overcome the devastating effects of the abuse, you CAN heal, you CAN move on to have a life in which you feel truly happy, full of self-love, confidence and healthy relationships – but it does take effort, self-compassion and often outside assistance. I can confidently say that it IS possible, because not only have I experienced it in my personal life, but with my coaching practice I have been an eyewitness to the healing of so many former victims of narcissistic abuse.
For free information about life after narcissism, as well as how to heal C-PTSD visit the following playlist on my YouTube Channel:And remember, while we all have to travel our own journey to heal, we do not have to travel alone. My coaching sessions are designed to help you step by step to strengthen your self- identity, increase your self-love and confidence, develop healthy and strong boundaries so that you can live life as the best version of yourself!
I've put together some information for each stage you may be going through in your narcissistic abuse recovery.
You may be wondering how or why this happened to you, you may even be wondering why it took so long for you to recognize that you were in fact being abused. I know this because that is exactly how I felt – how could I have been in abusive relationships for so long without ever recognizing the signs.
There is nothing wrong with you as a person. In my coaching practice I’ve had the privilege of meeting so many amazing individuals that are talented, kind, empathic, intelligent, beautiful souls. Unfortunately, they fell into relationships with malignant narcissists who used their good qualities against them; who used their pains and weaknesses due to their toxic childhood to control them.
The truth is, many of us were raised with a narcissistic parent yet had no idea until a toxic, intimate relationship opened our eyes to the truth. Yes, it wasn’t until after we realized we were in a relationship with a malignant narcissist that we suddenly realized that the behaviors, the treatment, the abuse was all too familiar. If we were raised with faulty programming by narcissistic parents, then without realizing we were operating within a programming that caused us to be attracted to narcissists and them to gravitate to us like bees to honey.
The good news is, just as a computer that has a virus can have that virus removed so that it continues to function adequately, victims of narcissistic abuse can have their faulty programming, the virus installed by toxic parents removed so that they can go on to have a healthy self-image, strong self-love and confidence, the ability to have and enforce boundaries as well as moving on to have a healthy and loving relationship first with themselves, and then also with others.
Just as you would go to a computer expert to have your virus removed – there are now many experts on Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. You do not have to heal alone!!
Here is a link for those that would like to Work Personally with Michele
Yes!! I promise you that.
One of the negative outcomes of a relationship with a toxic person or malignant narcissist is how deeply scarred we feel. Often we feel angry at the abuser for their sadistic treatment and angry at ourselves for not recognizing it sooner or for allowing it to take place for so long. We develop a lack of trust in others and even in ourselves which can keep us from having the healthy, loving, reciprocal relationships we’ve always wanted.
There is a challenge in overcoming these negative effects of emotional manipulation. Removing ourselves from toxic people is only half the battle – the real challenge is removing any faulty programming that may be attracting you to toxic people or having them feel attracted to you. The programming was not your fault, you were most likely a child of a toxic parent who installed that programming within you. But now that you know it’s there, there is a level of responsibility we all need to have so that we remove what is causing us repetitive heartache.
This requires being willing to take time to first develop a healthy relationship with yourself, long before you once again begin an intimate relationship with others. Taking a break from intimate relationships while you are getting back in touch with your own needs, desires and values will only aide you in learning to have a healthy relationship with yourself which will enable you to have healthy relationships with others.
You may be wondering – how can I do that? Can I really overcome the self-hate that I feel has stained my soul? Can I really learn to have confidence and trust in myself? Am I really worthy of healthy love?
The answer to all of those questions is YES!!!
As someone who has already traveled that road back to me, I now dedicate my life to helping others do the same! I say this often – we all have to take our own healing journey, no one can take it for you – but we do not have to travel it alone!!
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Expert, Coach, Author & Energy Practitioner
I’m Michele Lee Nieves and I’ve dedicated my life to helping victims of narcissistic abuse on their journey to escape, heal and fall madly in love with themselves and their life.
Nobody understands what you're going through more than someone who has been there. I grew up with narcissistic family member and had intimate relationships with malignant narcissists. For the majority of my healing journey, I felt as if I was all alone. I now dedicate my life to being the person for others, that I needed on my own healing journey, so that YOU never feel alone.