How to NOT Love Yourself

By Michele Nieves | Narcissist Traits

May 22

For individuals that grow up in a toxic family environment, asking them to describe what self-love looks like is as effective as asking a blind person to describe color; without a reference point it is impossible to understand let alone describe.

In my face to face coaching, many of my clients struggle to put into place healthy self-love habits. These same individuals are the first to give the shirts off of their backs for others, the first to volunteer when needed, the first to build up another person who is feeling down and being hard on themselves.

However, when it comes to doing for themselves – sadly, they are last on their own list of priorities. When they need volunteers to help them – no one shows up, regardless of how many times they show up for others. When they are feeling down, they kick themselves rather than build themselves up.

Without realizing it – they live by a double standard. Love others and not yourself – after all, isn’t that selfish?

Being brought up with toxic parents twists and turns reality, distorting normality into something that makes love seemingly impossible to obtain, painful, manipulative and abusive.

However, unlike a blind person – who has no choice, no decision in the matter when it comes to being able to see color – victims of toxic families have a choice! Parent’s may have the power to ‘download’ limiting and toxic programming into their children – but as now adult children of toxic parents – YOU have the power to ‘upgrade’ your subconscious programming.

The upgrade begins with awareness. Once we ‘see’ what the program is that is running, we can then decide whether or not to stay in it – or to change it!


About the Author

Nobody understands what you're going through more than someone who has been there. I grew up with narcissistic family member and had intimate relationships with malignant narcissists. For the majority of my healing journey, I felt as if I was all alone. I now dedicate my life to being the person for others, that I needed on my own healing journey, so that YOU never feel alone.