Are you in a relationship with someone who always seems to ruin the moments and events in life that mean the most to you? Do you constantly feel as if every time you strive toward making a special occasion happy, your partner seems to never be pulling the other direction to make it miserable? Are the occasions that meant the most to you in the past, a source of misery in the present ever since you have been in a relationship with a certain person?
If you answered yes to the above questions there is a good chance you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person!
Why do narcissists seem to hate special occasions and purposely ruin holidays and important events?
Here are 5 reasons why narcissists make it a habit to make sure that the days that mean the most to you are now full of misery and dread:
1) Narcissists think they are the sun and the world should revolve around them!! Celebrate and put the attention on someone else? How dare you!! The narcissist will punish you for taking your attention off of them and putting it on anyone or anything else. By fighting with you right before the special event, two purposes are accomplished by the narcissist. First, the fight forces you to put your mind and total attention back on the narcissist as you desperately try to make this person happy. Second, the fight stamps out any sparks of joy that were beginning to flutter within. You are not allowed to be happy – if the narcissist is unable to experience genuine happiness (and they can’t) then those closest to them will be denied the ability to enjoy genuine happiness.
2) Narcissists are unable to be close to people on an emotional level. Special occasions give families the opportunities to draw closer together, to bond, its a time of connectedness, giving, loving, and gratefulness to many. The problem is that these are all emotions that the narcissist fights against. To distance themselves emotionally during special occasions they will often resort to creating chaos. As they watch their family running around catering to them in an effort to get this special occasion to finally be one all will enjoy, they derive pleasure at causing their families attempts to fail. Unlike healthy people who get pleasure with love, closeness, sharing and giving of themselves – the narcissist gets his/her pleasure by taking the joy away from others. The narcissist is fueled with power as they see that they have the immense strength to cause something that was at one time a cherished event to become a day of doom.
3) Special occasions require you to give, whether it’s a gift or simply your attention focused on someone else. A narcissist does not give. Every relationship with a narcissist will always be one sided, with one person giving everything and anything to keep the narcissist happy while the narcissist teaches with their anger to not expect a thing from them.
4) Special occasions often require spending time with extended family members. The narcissist does not want their family around anyone that could help them to see they are in a toxic relationship; the narcissist does not want their family around anyone that could point out that they don’t look so good or ask if they are doing okay. They keep their family on a short leash and spending time with extended family members may give the narcissists family the opportunity to confide in someone and ask for help and get a realistic evaluation as to what is going on behind closed doors. Well, the narcissist cannot afford to have anyone show you that the reality they are conditioning you to believe is NOT true reality, rather their warped way of seeing things. They will often make a special event so absolutely miserable that your extended family will not WANT to come back again, and that’s exactly what they want so that they can isolate you from anyone that can help you.
5) Narcissists love to ruin holidays because….it’s fun to them; life is a game and the goal is always to derive narcissistic supply from their families. As the special occasion approaches and you get more excited and full of joy, they thoroughly relish in delight as they pull out a needle and pop that balloon, watching you crash into tears, pain and disillusion. And then when you finally cannot take their attempts to ruin it anymore and you lose your cool, fly off the handle, get furious at their attempts to ruin everything – it is at that precise moment that they look at you in wide eyed innocence as they point the finger at your behavior and blame YOU for the misery of the special occasion. And when you fall for it, and you begin to feel bad and wonder if it is all your fault, the narcissistic supply runs through their veins and they smile within…sometimes if you look carefully you will notice their narcissistic smirk since they cannot hide the joy they are feeling at ruining yet another special occasion.