Every now and then I meet someone who tells me that they stayed
with the narcissist because they thought that if they loved the narcissist enough,
then maybe, possible, hopefully? they would change!!
The sad part is that if you have ever given thought to such a thing, you
are thinking, doing and feeling EXACTLY how the narcissist wants, expects
even demands (covertly at times).
The manipulative narcissist does not pick ANY victim, they choose carefully very similar to
a hungry lion. A lion does not seek out the strongest in the herd, the fastest or the most beautiful…no they seek the younger, less experienced even sick as their prey. Is it because the lion CAN’T get the
strongest, fastest or most beautiful? No…it’s just that they want their prey without having
to exert much effort, they want the easy way.
The narcissist doesn’t necessarily pick the physically weak, but rather the emotionally sensitive.
By choosing empaths or sensitive people they can play on your emotions, get you to feel sorry for them, make you feel like it’s your job, your duty your reason for existing…to help them, to heal them, love them and well yes worship them.
But can love change the narcissist?
NO, I’m sorry it cannot.
In order for love to aide someone in changing, the person has to desire love, recognize it’s importance, as well as see the need to change and the narcissist is not capable of any of these things.
A narcissist does not need nor want love, they want narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic supply is anything that builds up the narcissist’s ego and enables him/her to feel superiority, grandiosity and entitlement. Yes, it’s all about them.And the narcissist is the mental equivalent of an alcoholic with an insatiable thirst for narcissistic supply, too much is never enough.
You can love the narcissist with your whole heart, your whole mind and your whole strength ( I’d like to remind you that there is only one person worthy of that kind of worship and it is not the narcissist) and yet it will never be enough. They don’t want to feel loved, they want to feel perfect, infallible, beyond reproach, beneath no one, omnipotent and all powerful. In fact, with time the narcissist looks down on your love as weakness, your love places you beneath him/her. You become pathetic in his/her eyes, after all…with the way they treat you and you keep coming back for more, it truly becomes something to look down upon in their eyes.
Does the narcissist recognize the importance of love? Does a junkie recognize the importance of love when they are craving their next fix?
No. There mind is on one thing, where and how can I get it?
Narcissistic Supply, the drug of choice to the narcissist is the only thing they live for, breath for,
manipulate and abuse for. They don’t care who they have to step on and crush as long as they are able to get their high.
Does the narcissist see the need to change?
The narcissist sees life through a distorted prism, what they see are half truths, pathological lies and twisted realities that work hard to keep the narcissist fooled into believing their false image is real.
Trying to help the narcissist see the need to change is like popping the narcissists image of him/herself, it’s exposing their life and their view of themselves as a lie and the narcissist would rather choose to live out that lie than work on their true identity, their true self image. Anyone that tries to make a narcissist see the truth in themselves is constituting themselves an enemy of the narcissist.
There is a song by Patty Smyth called “Sometimes Love Aint Enough,” in the case of the narcissist….it would be entitled Narcissistic Supply Aint Even Enough…
Once we come to grips with the truth regarding narcissists, we can stop chasing after the wind, exhausting ourselves trying to fill a cup to the rim when it has a huge hole on the bottom.