In order to have success in continual, prolonged and systematic abuse of their victims, narcissists need to establish complete control over them.
A code of silence, exhibited among the mafia and known as the code of Omerta is an excellent way to hide abuse, isolate victims and allow the narcissist to continue to receive narcissistic supply by means of his fantasy, his illusion as to who he is and what his family life is like, as others gaze in admiration upon this mirage.
It is a powerful code and it is systematically engrained into their victims.
One way the narcissist is able to have family members comply is by punishing them any time they speak up. If a family member reaches out to a friend or other family member, the narcissist reacts with narcissistic rage (behind closed doors of course.) You are insulted for talking “bad” about the “family”, you are verbally abused for not going directly to the narcissist with your problems (regardless of the fact that they are causing the problems in the first place!) After the verbal abuse the narcissist finishes their punishment with the silent treatment.
You walk around in your house feeling like a ghost, or better yet a burden to the living for your mere existence is denied and woe to you if you try to point out how wrong the silent treatment is..you will then be further abused verbally until you submissively accept the silent treatment praying it will end quicker by your submission. In the end you are left defending yourself and apologizing…while the narcissists behavior is swept under the rug…they NEVER apologize, not sincerely anyway.
The Narcissistic Don expects you to only air out your issues to him, thereby allowing him the opportunity to confuse you by twisting half truths and half lies, ultimately gas lighting you to the point of sheer confusion.
It’s this code of silence that allows them to slowly chip away at your soul, until you lose touch with your authentic self.
The book Perfect Pain/Perfect Shame shares this analogy of emotional abuse and the Omerta….
When you are in an abusive relationship…silence is NOT golden!!
Nobody understands what you're going through more than someone who has been there. I grew up with narcissistic family member and had intimate relationships with malignant narcissists. For the majority of my healing journey, I felt as if I was all alone.
I now dedicate my life to being the person for others, that I needed on my own healing journey, so that YOU never feel alone.