I read a comment on one of my videos and I just had to repost it. It has to do with the narcissists ability to make you angry and then cause you to feel as if you are a bad person for feeling angry. It’s confusing to those that have never experienced it. To help illustrate this: imagine if in a closed room a person grabs a dog by its ears, pokes his fingers in the dogs eyes and nose….then brings the dog out when there is company….the dog may be aggressive or possibly have its tail between its legs and appear in fear. Regardless of either reaction, to expect the dog to appear NORMAL would be ridiculous, especially if this treatment that it’s receiving behind closed doors is going on EVERY DAY and at various times THROUGHOUT the day.
Well, this is what life is like with a narcissist!
Every single day, behind closed doors the narcissist is pushing your buttons, desperately trying to find which ones cause a more sever reaction, which ones hurt the most.
Before every social event…the narcissist pushes, and jabs and hurts and makes you emotionally bleed….and then the present you to the public.
You stand in the room feeling so many conflicting emotions. You are hurt and confused as to why the person you “love” and the person who “loves” you has just assaulted you verbally for no apparent reason. In fact, the things he/she brought up to fight with you about make no sense, or are things that you thought had already been resolved.
You are emotionally dizzy, people are looking at you and wondering why your eyes are red, or why you seem upset and even angry. Their gazes go from you to your significant other, who as you follow their gaze, seems like the life of the party, charming, happy and at ease.
They feel pity for him/her having to put up with you, a person who appears difficult…
This angers you more and confuses you and you begin to think and believe that the problem is you…because no one can see it through your eyes while EVERYONE seems to admire your significant other and think their reality is true reality.
If you try to show your anger, it is used against you by the narcissist as well as those present, because he seems shocked by your anger. His shock and supposed desire to calm you down makes you look unstable to others as he looks more and more stable.
As time goes on…and this cycle continues on a daily basis….it’s no wonder so many victims of narcissistic abuse lose touch with who they really are…falling deeper and deeper into the narcissists black hole of delusion.
Here is the comment made by Kay that I admired on my video….it’s something all victims of narcissistic abuse need to hear….
“ABUSIVE PARTNERS DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THEIR ANGER; THEY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.”
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.” Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men