Daughter of a Narcissist: Reparenting myself

By Michele Nieves | Narcissistic Parents

Jul 26

Sometimes I look back on pictures of myself as a child…I have the saddest look in my eyes.

I have come to realize that there are two parts of me that make me whole…the adult I am today and the wounded child that still lives inside of me.

Even though life continues to move forward and time does not stand still…there is a part of our brain that stores within unhealed childhood wounds. And just like when we stub our toe we have an automatic physical reaction…when the present seems to awaken the wounds we have within…we also have a physical reaction….it could be in the form of anxiety, or depression, or fear…

A gunshot wound does not go away unless treated and it’s the same with our childhood wounds.

So how do we treat them….
We can’t go back in time…..
We can’t erase our memories….
We can’t pretend they didn’t happen…..

Our traumatic pains that happened in childhood cause us to carry around repressed or suppressed memories that fester within and can be triggered at any moment by some current, familiar situation. Which is why there are times we feel as if we have moved forward and passed our traumatic memories while at other times we feel the same intense pains we felt as a child, unable to control our emotions regarding these pains.

Reparenting the child within is an effective way to deal with these emotional issues that we carry around like baggage. And how do we do that? In the same way we would parent a child that was hurting….we would give that child unconditional love, nurture that child, hold that child, and be by his/her side until they overcame whatever was paining them.

So…to put that into practice….the next time a painful memory is awaken within you…see yourself in your minds eye….use your imagination to see the child within you hurting….and then watch your adult self go over to the child and hold him/her, listen, love unconditionally.
It may seem too easy to work….but it does.

Just because the child within did not get the love and nurturing he/she needed from the narcissistic parent…does not mean that the narcissistic parent is the only one that can heal that child. You….me…we can reparent that child within and heal those unresolved issues.

In my case…many times before I go to sleep…I close my eyes and imagine myself in a dark room. And I hear a baby crying from the other room.┬áIn my minds eye I watch my adult self get up out of bed and walk into the room. In the middle of the room is a crib with a beautiful baby inside softly kicking it’s legs. She stops kicking as our eyes meet…She looks so sad an lonely….and I notice her crooked arm. When I touch it she flinches, lets out a yelp and appears to be in pain. I realize that her arm is broken and so I carefully bandage up her arm so that it won’t hurt anymore each time she moves….as I wrap the bandage I am speaking ever so softly to her…letting her know it’s going to be ok. And then I pick her up. Her eyes never leave my face..they are searching..wondering…needing validation….and I smile and love her and rock her to sleep.

Other times I pick different memories of myself at different ages…and play out a scenario like I mentioned above, in which my adult self gives my wounded inner child what she needed at that moment yet never received.

And it helps…….

Please try it if you have suppressed pains and traumatic memories!
We can heal ourselves, we have that ability within!!

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About the Author

Nobody understands what you're going through more than someone who has been there. I grew up with narcissistic family member and had intimate relationships with malignant narcissists. For the majority of my healing journey, I felt as if I was all alone. I now dedicate my life to being the person for others, that I needed on my own healing journey, so that YOU never feel alone.